I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize