I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
