I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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