he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
