i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize