OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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