You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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