If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
