I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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