shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
