When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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