Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
