and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
