I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize