I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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