We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
