I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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