I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
