so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
