Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
