I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
