wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
