I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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