he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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