It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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