i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
