I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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