You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
