Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
