i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
