just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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