Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's the barista slut.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
