yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
