I wish my penis had an off switch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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