dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize