On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is my gift to your gina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
