I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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