This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
