Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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