I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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