Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
