I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
