theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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