Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
