the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
