yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
