Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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