I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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