WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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