Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
