Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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