That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
