Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
