Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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