First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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