the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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