U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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