hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
