At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
