why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
